I just listened to the Mental Illness Happy Hour, because, of course, I can’t sleep at 2:30 in the morning. Some useful things usually come to me from the podcast, and I was reminded of a few key things this time:
1. Of course I have the feelings I do about my family and of course they are valid. Why would I make up the stories that I have told about my situation? Why would I lie? What reason would cause a little girl to worry about going to hell unless she’d been told she was bad?
2. As a follow up to 1; of course I’ve had body issues off and on throughout my whole life. I didn’t lie about the comments my dad made about my body. It’s logical that I would feel shame and ickiness about my body after that.
3. I need to keep talking about alcoholism and depression and I can’t wait to get home and find an AA group, or some kind of support group. This blog has been a good outlet for the worst of it sometimes, and I have built a decent support system here, but I need to be with a solid group of people with similar crazies. I love the crazies. We’re pretty fucking cool people.
4. I’ve done some really hard work, and it has paid off. I’m doing amazingly well in a foreign place with no Lumps around and no Fuzz. I’m still sober. ‘Nuff said.
I shall now attempt to sleep. Hopefully I will dream of Salzburg.