How to answer? And what to wear??

I just got this email today. I would like to share with you how I would really like to answer these questions and have them be posted on the Language Link website.

Dear Teachers, 

The Marketing Department is working on the Language Link website, and would like to have a page in which they have a photo of all of our teachers.  In addition to the picture, they will have a little bit written about each teacher.  In order to accomplish this huge task, (HUGE, I TELL YOU!!!!) they have arranged to be at Central School on Thursday and Friday this week (17th and 18th May) at 11.15, 15.15 and 18.15 for at least an hour at each time.  There will be a photographer, and you will be asked to talk about yourself so that they can use the information to put beside your photo on the website.  You can choose to talk about any three of the following questions:


1.      What are your dreams in life? My dreams have all been crushed by the heavy weight of the unbearable oppression of my gender. I can no longer dream. I can only go through the motions of my daily routine, knowing that I will never have full equality with half of the American population within my lifetime. 

2.      What do you like about Russia? I like how much physical contact I’ve had while I’ve been here. I wonder if perhaps the whole population has figured out that I miss my husband and has decided to pick up the slack by squishing themselves into spaces that are entirely too small for them and giving me the gift of full body contact for a full 20 minute metro ride. It’s really thoughtful, and quite sweet, frankly.

3.      What do you think is the most interesting difference between Russian and American/British cultures? I find that the most interesting difference is that of humanity vs. barbarism. It’s absolutely fascinating! (See above)

4.      What is your favorite quotation and why? “As a nation, we began by declaring that ‘all men are created equal.’ We now practically read it ‘all men are created equal, except negroes.’ When the Know-Nothings get control, it will read ‘all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics.’ When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.”       – Abraham Lincoln

Really, must I explain why???

5.      What is the most interesting thing about teaching English? The most interesting thing about teaching English is the absolute pleasure it is to teach people who are quite obviously in the wrong level, but you, the management team, want us to keep teaching them, even though they are holding back other students and the pace of the class. It’s compelling. Perhaps we could make a pie chart or something to show how absolutely spell-binding it is.

6.      Why did you choose the profession of a language teacher? To sow the seeds of subversion. I actually instigated the protests here in Moscow. In fact, my real job is with the CIA. Believe me, you’re gonna wanna get your shit together. We know about all of it. ALL.OF.IT. 

7.      Tell any interesting/funny story that happened to you at Language Link. A funny thing happened when I was walking down the hall this one day. One of my coworkers called me names, and when I talked to management about it, they asked me if I could just not use the teacher room. No, really! Isn’t that interesting AND funny? 

Please help our Marketing Department and be present at Central School (room 27) on Thursday or Friday this week at one of the times stated above.  We look forward to seeing you then!

Hot damn! Formal wear? 

I totally look forward to fucking around with this bullshit with you, too. Please, please let it interfere with my TEACHING PREPARATION.

I’m actually not bitter. I’m happy to be going home soon and teaching at another school next year. I’ve already had more contact with the school director of the new school than I have had in 9 months with the director of Language Link. To me, that says a lot about where I am going. I’m looking forward to it. 

17 more days!!



About Sally

It's all about me. ALL OF IT. ABOUT ME.
This entry was posted in Anecdotes and Observations, I Call Bullshit. Bookmark the permalink.

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