I’m going out of order.

I had a chat with a newly sober friend today and it made me want to tell more of my own drunk story and less about the effects of my family, so here’s a snippet:

At the end of my drinking career (it really is a career, because it’s A FUCKLOAD of work), I went to work hungover and going through withdrawal every day. Every day. For about the last two months that I drank, I didn’t remember how I got to bed most nights. I woke up every day thinking about my next drink and planning where I would go to get it. Some of those days I didn’t want to drink at all, yet there I was at the liquor store, AGAIN, despising myself, while being unable to fight the desperate craving. I went to different liquor stores every day, so that no one of them knew how much I was drinking. I thought dying sounded like a good idea, because I didn’t know how to live with or without drinking, and all I could believe was that the world would be better with me and my chaos not in it, and that I was not going to make it out of this thing alive, anyway. I was desperate and sooo sooo scared. The day I called my insurance and my employee hotline to try to get help, I had to make at least 5 laps around the house in panic. I went upstairs, then back downstairs, and back again, trying to make myself make the call. I bawled on the phone when I finally picked it up and dialed, and I have to say that the people I talked to were so very kind to me, that I will never forget it. I will be grateful for them the rest of my life.

I binge drank the night before rehab, because, hey, why not??? The next day my life changed forever.

Word of the Day: excruciating 

ex·cru·ci·at·ing [ik-skroo-shee-ey-ting]
1. extremely painful; causing intense suffering; unbearably distressing; torturing: an excruciating noise; excruciating pain.
2. exceedingly elaborate or intense; extreme: done with excruciating care.


1. unbearable, insufferable, unendurable, agonizing, racking.
Dictionary.com Unabridged

ex·cru·ci·ate [ik-skroo-shee-eyt]
verb (used with object), ex·cru·ci·at·ed, ex·cru·ci·at·ing.

1.to inflict severe pain upon; torture: The headache excruciated him.
2. to cause mental anguish to; irritate greatly.
1560–70; < Latin excruciātus, past participle of excruciāre to torment, torture, equivalent to ex- ex-1 + cruciāre to torment, crucify (derivative of crux cross); see -ate1


About Sally

It's all about me. ALL OF IT. ABOUT ME.
This entry was posted in Anecdotes and Observations, The Crazy, Then there was The Word, and The Word was good.. Bookmark the permalink.

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