Another ending.

I wrote this to my mom, and she hasn’t replied. I wonder if she will. I don’t think she is capable of allowing herself to open up at all, and therefore move forward. It hurts my feelings, but there is a little bit of relief in there, as well. I’m okay with no relationship from this point on. I want joy in my life, and I don’t think my mom will ever be able to be joyful.

I will spend some time this week grieving this relationship, meditating, thinking about Banana (her birthday is coming up), and hopefully, going outside a whole lot.

Here’s the email:

I am not against you coming up here, but I am wondering if you just don’t realize how negative and critical you are these days. Sometimes it is really hurtful, which I know is not your intent, but whatever your intention, that’s my reaction. I don’t want to end up feeling about you the way that I have felt about Dad. I realize that me talking about therapy is not that fun, but I still have wounds to heal. I didn’t go for a long time, and now I feel like I’ve got some kinks to work out. Talking about it is going to be part of having a relationship with me. I want to have a relationship that’s respectful, in which I don’t feel diminished or judged. We don’t have TONS of time left for us to be together and I need to feel okay going forward. 

I would LOVE it if you would come up and go to a therapy session with me. My therapist thinks it would be good; maybe we can learn some tools to help us become closer, or even just some better ways to communicate with each other. 

If you do come up, I really want you to go to a beginners yoga class with me. I actually think you would really enjoy it, and it’s something you can do at home for exercise. I think you’ll like the instructor where Jody and I have been going. She’s super cool and welcoming and accepting. 

Let me know what you think.


About Sally

It's all about me. ALL OF IT. ABOUT ME.
This entry was posted in Anecdotes and Observations, The Crazy. Bookmark the permalink.

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