I recently saw a new back doctor because the previous two tries had been somewhat disastrous. (I only got an MRI after almost shouting down the last guy.) Some new symptoms had been happening and I thought I’d try again with a PA who is a woman. It seems that the stenosis and arthritis are just progressing, nothing to see here, move along, move along, but I’m struggling. Since I signed up for the latest 60 day challenge, I haven’t lost a single pound and no fat. Lots of things are contributing, and I’m sure it’s cyclical and will pass eventually, but what if it doesn’t???? I can still do most of my strength training and don’t intend on stopping the pull ups, but to help my back, I do need to lose weight. Not much, but 3-4% body fat less would definitely help.
I’m also struggling with terrible memories resurfacing (a few weeks ago I remembered my dad telling me about harassing other women, thinking of it as funny fucking story to tell his kid…) and my normal bouts of depression. I think what’s different is my perspective. I’m not entirely hopeless, I’ll keep plodding, which is what I do, and I ask for help when I need it, but I don’t know what to ask for right now, even though I feel like I need help. I don’t quite feel like I’m drowning, but I’m not thriving, either. I’m stuck at the low end of the cycle and just kind of biding my time until something changes.
Plod on, friends, plod on.